What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 00:00
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why is it common for guys to sleep with 10-20 women then marry a good girl?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
All the time i was locked up.
What did i know ?
Why can’t my wife just accept the fact that I’m going to cheat?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why do I feel sleepy after massage?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Have you ever been instructed/forced to crossdress for the benefit of others?
I was scared of men, in general
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We all went to grammer schools
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But it wasn’t much.
Common sleep aid blocks brain inflammation and tau buildup in Alzheimer’s model - PsyPost
Put me off passion for life!!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
In my experience, British people are fat, ugly and arrogant. Why is it and can it be changed?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Just sitting at home with this huge cock. Who can take care of it for me?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why do some people tell the girl I like that I don’t like her when I do like her?
Why did i forgive my father ?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I could never make a relationship work though!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And i lived it daily.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i do to all so called friends.?
When she asked me how she looked .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I will be 64.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I don,t even have a pension.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I never cut or harmed myself..
My life is so biszare .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im still living with it.
So whats the point in blame.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Especially a lifetime of it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
So, i spoilt her more .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Comes on , in middle age.
I write beautiful poetry .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
This is soul school!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Ive learnt so much.
She married twice! .
We were not on the streets..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One cannot live in the past .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was very sick at this time too.
I was 9 years of age.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I have no regrets .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But, we were locked up after school.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He knew the spot.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was seconnd youngest,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I think the readers, may guess!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She loved him until the end.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Who then, do I blame.?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She was in good health!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Would this be the day?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She wouldn,t have been !
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My family never makes their pension either.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He resisted the act ,that day.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I waited trembling.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Was to survive, this bastard.
It was going to be , some day.
She found it foreign!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I said to her
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.